Hallucination
by Dawn-0f-Fire
Summary: A kiss, a long lost love. Dawn, after the imprisonment of Sirius, goes insane. Fortunately, everything takes a turn for the better. It is a completed shortstory. For those who have nothing better to do, although I kind of like it,


It all ended one sunny day, yet no light could brighten any wizard's mood. Still, He-who-shall-not-be-named inspired terror amongst these people, and although an entire secret unit had been formed to protect the Earth from his evil reign, death was hot on their trail. Bodies mysteriously dissapeared and then were found hung by their feet in front of the Ministry's house, etc.

It was rumoured that a young wizard couple had been targeted for some time, and that someone who knew where they'd seeked safety for them and their new-born son, was keeping the Dark Lord updated on their every moves.

For our relationship, which had been declining since the day we'd joined the forces against the Deatheaters and their Master, it was like a ride through Hell. After that night Sirius'd left in a hurry, not saying a word to me, I didn't see him again. The pain was unbearable.

I recall when he dragged Remus into the bedroom and hurriedly whispered something to him, all the while packing and unpacking in a very nervous and distracted manner. I tried to hold him back, I tried, really. I lost my grip. I wondered, for hours, days, weeks, why he'd left with that closed expression on his face. Maybe he was feeling my pain but he refused to admit it. He had business to attend to, and it killed him.

How could I have been so foolish so as to think he'd be safe and return with a little present, a rose, usually? It was a mistake to let go. Everything was a mistake.

That night, what Sirius told Remus-when I learned what it was, it was like losing him all over again. How could I have been so stupid to think it was to hold me back when he left? He knew he was going to die, yet he left. I don't know where. To this day, Remus-everyone refused to tell me where. He told Remus to take care of me.

I look at Remus now, he's been so kind to me all this time. I've been nothing but a burden to him. He's taken care of me since that day and never broken down, nomatter how horrible everything might've been. He stuck with me, and it's not everyday I realise how amazing that is.

Since Sirius left, I've been nothing short of a carcass. I refused to eat, I refused to sleep, to talk, to live. I couldn't bear it. I refused to believe he wouldn't come home again.

It's just recently that I've been feeling more... alive. I've started going outside, taking long walks. I've started grocery shopping instead of letting Remus go. He's been busy the past few weeks. He won't tell me what's up, but I know he's looking for a job. He's been looking for one ever since I showed signs of sanity compared to the past ten years. He knew it would be safe to leave me now, at least for a while. I was a danger to myself a while ago. Now I'm proud to be getting over it, to be making progress.

-Get some broccoli while you're at it, Dawn. I feel like having broccoli.»

-Sure thing, Rem.» Grocery shopping has always been a fun thing to do on a Saturday morning.

-Milkman hasn't come yet, has he?»

-No idea. I'll check.»

I opened the door and looked on the ground. Still no sign of a glass milk bottle. I swear the teenagers downstairs steal it before we manage to pick it up. I've never liked them much. They always make noise at the most unfortunate moments. At 3 AM, for instance. Stupid teens.

-You know, maybe we should do something about them.»

-About who?»

-The teenagers who steal our milk.»

-Nonsense. You don't even have proof. Where did you put that shopping list?» He walked into the bedroom, lifting every book, searching every corner it could possibly have hidden itself into.

-I don't know,» I shrugged, «maybe those teens stole it.»

-Now why would they want to do that?»

-To piss me off...»

The door to our appartment had been left carelessly open. I reached to close it but, just then, a black nose poked itself through the crack. The door creaked until it gently hit the wall behind it. It was a black dog. Sirius.

I'd hallucinated many times before, but not lately. Sirius stood there, staring, and I stared back, unable to move. This wasn't possible. I was certain it wasn't real, yet he moved closer, step by step until his wet nose touched the tips of my fingers. He was real...

-Dawn, have you found the list yet-» He stopped dead in his tracks, startled by the big black dog in the doorway.

-Oh God...» I whispered and ran behind Remus. «He's not real, he's not real!» I shook my head, and then I stopped. If this was to be the last time I saw Sirius, I would've liked to keep the picture imprinted inside my head.

Our eyes met, and I understood what he was thinking. I'd seen this look of jealousy before. Just as suddenly as he'd arrived, he turned his back and ran out the door. 'It isn't what you think', I said to myself. As if magically attached to him, I followed behind , blind from everything else. I had to find him, to see him, to touch him, to hear him... Nothing could stop me, not even Remus.

-Dawn!» he called out, but I was already gone. Had he pulled me back, I would've fought to follow Sirius outside, I didn't care. If I had to kill Remus to get to him, I would've done it.

There was a light drizzle outside, and my hair was getting soaked. I'd forgotten my shoes and my coat inside the appartment, but I didn't care. I had to catch up to that dog in front of me. I couldn't lose him again. I wouldn't lose him again.

Sirius lead me into a forest, littered with a thick rug of broken branches, twigs, and brown leaves. The trees tore away at my clothes, at my long curls of hair, at my skin. I was getting closer.

The forest cleared into a field of wheat drowned in mud. There was no trace of the black dog.

-Sirius...» I whispered, falling to the ground. My hair surrounded my face and dipped into the muddy terrain. My tear drops had no effect on the already soaked soil. I'd lost him again. Again.

I felt a cold spot on my forehead. The black dog had come back and pressed his nose on my skin. I looked up and smiled for the first time in...what... twelve years? A real smile. A happy one. Sirius was there, nothing else mattered.

He suddenly backed off, as if a bee had stung him, and growled. He gave me the same glare than when I'd talked to Remus earlier.

-Sirius,» I said again, « it's not what you think. It isn't.»

He took his human form. That's when I noticed whatever he'd been through reflected in his looks. His eyes were practically dug into a circular, hollow pit, his jawbone and cheekbones stood out. His skin was covered in dust and mud crusts, and his robes were stripped to nearly nothing they were so worn.

-It's not? Tell me how it's not.» His coarse voice had lost all trace of youth and sounded empty, faded. I swallowed loudly and answered.

-Remus- you have no idea- he's been so helpful, so supportive...»

-I-I can't believe it. I was so stupid to think that you'd stay-»

-Don't. Don't accuse me of anything... please. I swear I didn't... I swear... Oh God, I missed you so much. I can hardly believe you're here.»

I pulled his face closer to mine and kissed his lips, so dry, so sad.

-It's all over now. You can come back and-»

-I can't. The ministry's still looking for me. You'd be in so much trouble, and Remus too.»

-Oh, Remus. He'll be so glad to-»

-He can't know. Not yet. Not yet. Don't tell him anything. I have a few things to do first.»

-Don't leave again.»

-mm-» His lips touched mine again and I felt my heart melt with desire.

-I've always loved you. I never stopped, not for one second. I knew you'd come back... they, they told me you were dead. I didn't believe it...I couldn't...»

-Be patient, I'll be back. I swear it.»

-... » He turned back into Padfoot and ran off into the rain.

I'd see him again. He'd promised.

Remus stood at the doorway, sighing as he saw me walk down the hall.

-Dawn! Thank God...» He ran over with a warm towel to wrap me into. «I was about to go out and look for you...what happened?»

-I...it wasn't- he wasn't real. » I looked to the ground, a smile on my face. I could still feel his lips against mine, I could heard his breathing, see his face... I was alive.

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